| By Yoonjin, Ko
I chose two family pictures which were taken in different time period. First one is our family picture when we had my baby brother's first year birthday. In this picture, there is my father in front holding my baby brother on his knee. Next to him, there is my grandmother. She is sitting on her wheel chair because of her back problem, but she is wearing beautiful Hanbok because it's a very special day. Behind my grandmother, I am there wearing pink jacket. I curled my hair smoothly to be a nice sister for my baby brother. Behind my father, my mother and my sister are standing there while smiling big. We are all wearing the best clothes for the special day. I like this picture very much because it is the first picture we all took together with my grandmother. Whenever I see this picture, I remember the day vividly. It was a rainy, cloudy day. Cold windy was blowing hard, so my family was very worried about our guests whether they can make it on time or not. Thankfully, most of them came to celebrate my baby brother's birthday even though the weather of the day was horrible. We were so grateful.
Next picture I chose is the one when we went to JaeJu Island. I like this picture because it is an active picture. In this picture, my father is holding my sister up high and trying to throw her to the blue ocean. I'm laughing hard beside them because it was so much fun to see that my sister is scared. I think we were standing very close to the ocean and the weather was very windy. I can see the palm trees are leaning to one side. My mom took this picture so she is not there. I was an elementary school at that time because I see that I was wearing my favorite hair band when I used in elementary school. My sister is shouting and struggling not to fall down. Whenever I see this picture, I laugh. It was a happy moment of my life.
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Saturday, May 28, 2011
Two photos (200700121)
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Your main point is the two family pictures of yours.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think good in your essay is that...
1. The organization of your writing, the form is very new, therefore I felt that it is quite a fresh try. I have never thought of this form. You just divided paragraphs into two, each of which are explaining the picture of your family, which is not a normal form of intro, body and conclusion.
2. Overall, your sentences are very short and simple, and I think it is good. The reason is that my problem is that my words are always too wordy and complicated, even though what I tried was to be sophisticated.
To talk about the thing that can improve your writing...
I would say the title of the essay. It is somewhat monotonous and too direct. Therefore, it would make me feel more curious if you say more implicit or detail title.
While I was reading your writing, your description was so vivid that I though I was actually watching that photo. It is always nice to see someone's family picture taken at the special happy moment. I'm sure that you have all happy family pictures. However, I think it would be nice if those two pictures had something to compare or contrast to. Both photos were very well described, but I still don't know the composition or the unique points of pictures. Also, I was quite surprised that this was not usual 5 paragraph essay you used to write. I guess it would be better essay if there were a conclusion. Thank you for sharing your story. Those sound very nice pictures that always make you happy.
ReplyDeleteHappy moments of my life
ReplyDelete200700121 Yoonjin, Ko
I chose two family pictures which were taken in different time period. First one is our family picture when we had my baby brother's first year birthday. In this picture, there is my father in front holding my baby brother on his knee. Next to him, there is my grandmother. She is sitting on her wheel chair because of her back problem, but she is wearing beautiful Hanbok because it's a very special day. Behind my grandmother, I am there wearing pink jacket. I curled my hair smoothly to be a nice sister for my baby brother. Behind my father, my mother and my sister are standing there while smiling big. We are all wearing the best clothes for the special day. I like this picture very much because it is the first picture we all took together with my grandmother. Even though every member in this picture is smiling, there is no movement.
Compared to the first picture, next picture I chose is full of movement. Second picture is taken when our family went to JaeJu Island. I like this picture because it is an active picture. In this picture, my father is holding my sister up high and trying to throw her to the blue ocean. I'm laughing hard beside them because it was so much fun to see that my sister is scared. It seems that we were standing very close to the ocean and the weather was very windy. I can see the palm trees are leaning to one side. My mom took this picture so she is not there. I was an elementary school at that time because I see that I was wearing my favorite hair band when I used in elementary school. My sister is shouting and struggling not to fall down. Whenever I see this picture, I laugh. It was a happy moment of my life.
Both two pictures are very meaningful for me because one is taken when it was a huge event of my family-my youngest brother’s first year birthday and the other one is also precious because it makes me laugh with the happy memory of our family trip. In one picture, every one is sitting straight and wearing beautiful clothes; on the other hand, in the other picture, the location is windy outdoor and I can even hear we’re laughing. Even though I have many more other precious pictures, I sincerely think that I cannot get rid of these two pictures of my happy family.