| Foreign language institution should begin in kindergarten 200903992 Yooran Kim All around the world, the importance of learning new language is getting bigger. Especially in Korea, it looks almost impossible to live without learning English. There are so many difficulties in learning new language for school students that some people claim foreign language institution should begin in kindergarten. I don't agree with several reasons. First, scientists studied that the age between 3-5 is the effective period to learn new language. But not every student is gifted in sense of language. Lots of kids are good at their own way. There's no need that we overemphasize only about language. Bilingual adult may can speak two language fluently, but they hardly can be excellent writer or fabulous CEO speaker. Second, Also, it is really important for young children to develop ability to think. Until age 7, the process of improving ability to think can be very crucial for children's way of future. However, scientists assert that learning by rote can damage on children's brain so bad that children can have a speech disorder. Finally, do we really need bilingual environment? I do not deny that students need to learn global language. They can if they want, but forcing them to study since they're young is another thing. Not many people actually have chance to communicate in other language if they're living in their country. However, I got some impression that the necessity for English is quite overwhelmed. Actually, one of my friends got a job in a factory. He had to submit his TOEIC report card for the job interview. He had so good grade that he could get a job, but he didn't have anyone, anything, and any circumstances that needs English. What does this tell you? Learning other language is really important and exciting study. We should make our children to feel these by themselves. I'm not denying the importance of English nor necessity of it. What I want you to think is why, when, and most importantly for whom we expose our young children to that environment. Let them choose what they want to learn. Learning new language should be one that can be chosen. |
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You main point seems to be children should choose when they learn foreign language. What I like about this piece of writing is the example she gave in the third body paragrph.
ReplyDeleteHowever, 'scientists assert that ~ a speech disorder.' isn't clear to me. If you give more explanations on the first and second body paragraph, it will be better.
To yooran kim from Junseok
ReplyDeleteHello.
1. I like your writing. Yours are simple and clear. Especially the last pragraph is good. I always have a difficulty on conclusion. But yours seem clear and get main point out very well.Also I think that every body pragraph has a great logical support from a specific example.
2. I carefully think it would be better to change the word 'overwhelmed' in 3th bodypragraph into 'overwhelming,' or 'people are overwhelmed by nesecity for English too much.' I'm not sure though.
3. In my opinion, I wouldn't change anything in your writing. I am not coming up with anything, which means I think this is good writing.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the construction is not complex, and each paragraph clearly states the topic.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be that children shouldn’t be forced into learning a foreign language.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: “Let them choose what they want to learn.”
I think it being a short sentence made the statement more powerful.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
“…but they hardly can be excellent writer or fabulous CEO speaker.”
I thought the word “CEO speaker” somehow portrayed the image you had in mind, but didn’t sound right. Although the most common speakers nowadays are CEOs, I think it’s better to just choose one word between ‘CEO’ and ‘speaker.’
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
giving more supporting details to your second body paragraph. The content of this paragraph may be new information to your readers, so some explanation or examples could be helpful.
Revision version. 2nd draft-part 1
ReplyDeleteAll around the world, the importance of learning new language is getting bigger. Especially in Korea, it looks almost impossible to live without learning English. There are so many difficulties in learning new language for school students that some people claim foreign language institution should begin in kindergarten. I don’t agree with several reasons.
First, scientists studied that the age between 3-5 is the effective period to learn new language. But not every student is gifted in a sense of language. Lots of kids are good at their own way. There’s no need that we overemphasize only about language. Bilingual adult may can speak two languages fluently, but they hardly can be an excellent writer or a fabulous speaker.
Second, Also, it is really important for young children to develop ability to think. Until age 7, the process of improving ability to think can be very crucial for children’s way of future. However, the Korean education for preschoolers is focused on the academic knowledge rather than basic primary education that can improve their overall brain and body ability. Young toddlers are forced to memorize the mathematics, science, and other languages as well as English. Scientists assert that learning by rote can damage on children’s brain so bad that children can have a speech disorder.
Revision version. 2nd draft-part 2
ReplyDeleteFinally, do we really need bilingual environment? I do not deny that students need to learn global language. They can if they want, but forcing them to study is another thing since they’re young. Not many people actually have chance to communicate in other language if they’re living in their country. However, I got some impression that the necessity for English is quite overwhelmed. Actually, one of my friends got a job in a factory. He had to submit his TOEIC report card for the job interview. He had so good grade that he could get a job, but he didn’t have anyone, anything, and any circumstances that needs English. What does this tell you?
Learning other language is really important and exciting study. We should make our children to feel these by themselves. I’m not denying the importance of English nor necessity of it. What I want you to think is why, when, and most importantly for whom we expose our young children to that environment. Let them choose what they want to learn. Learning new language should be one that can be chosen.